Interacting with all Types of People

Interacting with all Types of People

Life would be so much easier if everyone we encountered in our personal and professional lives behaved in a reasonable, co-operative, generous, and kind way. Unfortunately, there are people we must interact with — whether it’s customers, co-workers, relatives, or neighbours – whose behaviour drives us crazy. These people can range from the merely irritating to having a serious affect on our stress levels. I am sure we can all think of one person we interact with who is a little bit “difficult”. Here are some tips for interacting with those types of people.

Defining a “difficult” person

A difficult person is someone who:

• lacks common courtesy and is generally unpleasant to be around

• is not looking to work as a part of a team, rather is more concerned with his or her own work.

• actively works to make your job harder either indirectly (by not informing you of pertinent details) or directly (by doing things that interfere with your work)

• appears to simply not like you personally and makes no attempt to hide it

• inappropriately thinks he or she has power over you and tries to direct you in a disrespectful manner.

Three points to keep in mind

• Learn and understand the behaviour patterns. When is this person most difficult? What types of behaviour makes him or her difficult? Is the individual difficult only with you or with others as well?

• Don’t take the behaviour personally. Often, people exhibit difficult behaviour because of something going on with them.

• While you can’t control the behaviour of others, you can control your reactions to that behaviour. Don’t get upset. Stay calm and unemotional. Walk away from the situation if possible by taking a short break. Even five minutes will help you assess the situation and how you will deal with it.

Dealing with difficult people

While you probably can’t change a difficult person, the good news is that by following these tips you can avoid being a victim of bad behaviour:

• Keep your own sense of self-confidence and don’t allow yourself to be verbally abused.

• Act normally. When working with a ‘difficult person’, treat them as you would any one else.

• Don’t let the problem fester. Make sure to take action swiftly. Otherwise, you may eventually become so angry that you lose your objectivity and emotional control.

• Don’t sink to their level. As problematic as the person may be, it is important to remain professional and objective. After all, you have your own reputation to safeguard.

• Keep it private. Be sure to keep all of your dealings with the person private and in person. Avoid confrontations over the phone, by memo, or by e-mail. Never lose your temper at work or engage in a confrontation in front of your boss or colleagues.

• Communicate. Listen well and let the other party do a lot of the talking. Ask open questions and allow a lot of space.

• Be tactful, but direct. Keep your voice low and state your points of contention clearly, directly, and unambiguously. Give concrete examples to support them. Never humiliate a co-worker or make accusatory remarks. The goal is to find solutions and alleviate the negative atmosphere.

• Use “I” messages not “You” messages. “I” messages focus on your experience of the situation while “You” messages can be interpreted as accusatory. “You” messages will only put the other person on the defensive and close doors to communication. For example, instead of “You deliberately put the files in the wrong place,” say “I have a hard time finding the files quickly when they’re not in alphabetical order.”

• Seek to understand. Appreciate the difficult person’s point of view. Recognize that issues are real to them and honour that.

• Build trust. Try to develop a sense of trust with the difficult person. Often the behaviour of others will have tainted their experiences and resulted in serious mistrust. This can be changed.

• Find a solution. It is sometimes the simple acts which have the most effect. Just asking the person what it is they want can often be an easy solution. It just might be that no-one ever asked before.

• Help them. Most of us want to feel wanted, respected, and valued. Let the individual know that you respect their skills and value their contributions.

• Agree to disagree. If you personally dislike a co-worker, you can still learn from their opinions, viewpoints, and ideas. If you can find something to appreciate about that person, comment on it in a favourable way. If that person senses your allegiance, he or she will be naturally drawn to you, and you may both learn to get along despite your differences.

Recognize when to seek help

• If the behaviour is seriously affecting your job performance, let your manager or Human Resources know about the situation as soon as possible. Begin documenting the problems that are occurring due to the interactions with the difficult person. Be comprehensive, including specific names, situations, dates, and times. Address the situation not as a personal problem, but one that is affecting your productivity, your work, and your progress on projects.

• If the behaviour is inappropriate, harassing, or threatening, do not try to deal with situation yourself. Inform your manager and HR representative immediately. Document and let your manager or HR representative handle the situation.