How to Be Your Own Cheerleader

If you’ve ever heard some well-meaning but flat phrase like, “Chin up!” or “Be happy!” just know this isn’t that. Now, that being said, it’s important to know that positivity and encouraging language can have a physiological effect. According to the Mayo Clinic, positive thoughts hold myriad benefits, including increased life span, decreased rates of depression and distress, greater resistance to the common cold and better cardiovascular health. Sounds great, right?.

Of course, positivity isn’t as straightforward as throwing out some glass-half-full-phrases and seeing whether they stick. For many, positive self-talk is a Level 14 skill, and we’re still on Level 2 trying to deal with that nasty inner voice that seems to think we can’t do anything right. That’s the voice that whispers, you’re a fraud after you land a big promotion. It screams, I knew you couldn’t do this when you falter on a big project. It laughs when those anxious feelings creep in because you stopped your exercise and meditation routine.

This voice is one of our biggest obstacles. To be our own biggest fan, our own cheerleader, we must first deal with the angry fan who must be politely escorted from the stadium. The important thing to note here is that we’re not trying to silence or permanently rid ourselves of the critic. That’s quite impossible and you’ll only frustrate yourself trying. The goal is to take away its power, its microphone, its real estate in your mind. Here are a few strategies backed by research to get you on the right path.

1. Notice and name that salty inner voice.

Have you ever stopped and thought, I’m really angry right now, and just that simple thought made you feel less angry? The same concept applies here. Just by noticing when we’re giving a stage to our inner critic do we reduce its power. Now, give it a name. It can be anything: Karen, Brian, Rudy, whatever you like. The goal is to make it a habitual thing to notice and point a finger at your inner critic as soon as it flares up. The name allows us to dissociate the thoughts from ourselves. I don’t think this; Rudy does.

2. Gain perspective of the conversation.

There are four types of negative self-talk, and pinpointing it allows us to gain perspective and ground ourselves in reality. Just by identifying and categorizing them, we can choose to let that thought go and give power to other, more positive ones.

• Filtering: This is when something good happens, but Rudy filters out every positive aspect of the situation until we’re left with a mutated view of the situation.
• Catastrophizing: You’re living in worst-case-scenario land. For example: You forgot to go to the store last night and you’re out of breakfast food. You have to skip or make time to stop, which will make you late for work. Rudy decides that this one act will ruin the rest of your day. And when you give Rudy power, that catastrophic thought becomes prophetic.
• Personalizing: Something bad happens and you immediately assume it’s because of you. Maybe a project was canceled because of a lack of funding, but Rudy decides it was because you failed to deliver. This is an ego response.
• Polarizing: You let Rudy color your vision in the black-and-white extremes. Something is either good or bad, no in-between. Maybe your friend canceled dinner because she is dealing with her own Rudy and needed some self-care time. That isn’t about you and it’s not really good or bad as it pertains to you. It’s simply what is.

3. Track the conversations.

After gaining perspective and context to your negative self-talk, record it. You could do this by meditating, journaling or saying it aloud. The goal isn’t to write or meditate about all the nasty things Rudy said to you today; rather, it’s a log to keep track of your wins. You now have a record of every time you noticed Rudy, gained some perspective, and gave a different thought more power.

4. Form an alliance.

It’s hard to celebrate ourselves. It’s hard to acknowledge our wins without letting Rudy creep in and throw shade. One tactic is to name your inner fan, just as you did your inner critic. Give him or her a name. Imagine what your inner fan looks and sounds like. Sometimes it’s easier to receive a compliment from a friend than it is to compliment yourself. That’s where—we’ll call him Barry—comes in.

Now, every time Rudy starts to rear his head, invite Barry over to filter in some positive thoughts. For example, you just landed a big promotion. Use steps one through three to dissociate with Rudy, and then let Barry identify three positives to focus on.

You’re going to feel uncomfortable trying this strategy, and it may not be the one for you. But it’s important that you’re making positive self-talk a priority and working through various strategies until you find one that works for you. Here’s a few more we learned from three entrepreneurs who have struggled with negative self-talk.

https://www.success.com/how-to-be-your-own-cheerleader/